Post by milo on Jan 26, 2008 17:56:22 GMT -5
Yeah. Random.
Due to the climate now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer referred to as "HILLBILLIES"
You no must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
And furthermore....
How to speak about Women and be Politically Correct:
She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK"- she is a "BREASTED AMERICAN"
She is not "EASY"- She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE"
She is not a "DUMB BLOND"- She is a "LIGHT HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY".
She has not been around- She is a "PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION"
She does not "NAG" you- She becomes"VERBALLY REPETITIVE"
She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER"- She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER"
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
He does not have a "BEER GUT"- He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY"
He is not a "BAD DANCER" He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN"
He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS"
He is not "BALDING" He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION"
It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants- It's "REAR CLEAVAGE"
Future Headlines!
1 Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia , formerly known as California
2 White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
3 Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
4 Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.
5 Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
6 Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
7 France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!
8 Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
9 George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
10 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
11 Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
12 Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Florexico.
13 Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
14 Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States.
15 Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.
16 Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
17 Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
18 Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
19 New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.
20 IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent and Florexico voters still having trouble with voting machines.
21 Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
22 Math not taught anymore.
Due to the climate now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer referred to as "HILLBILLIES"
You no must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
And furthermore....
How to speak about Women and be Politically Correct:
She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK"- she is a "BREASTED AMERICAN"
She is not "EASY"- She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE"
She is not a "DUMB BLOND"- She is a "LIGHT HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY".
She has not been around- She is a "PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION"
She does not "NAG" you- She becomes"VERBALLY REPETITIVE"
She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER"- She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER"
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
He does not have a "BEER GUT"- He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY"
He is not a "BAD DANCER" He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN"
He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS"
He is not "BALDING" He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION"
It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants- It's "REAR CLEAVAGE"
Future Headlines!
1 Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia , formerly known as California
2 White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
3 Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
4 Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.
5 Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
6 Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
7 France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!
8 Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
9 George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
10 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
11 Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
12 Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Florexico.
13 Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
14 Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States.
15 Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.
16 Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
17 Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
18 Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
19 New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.
20 IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent and Florexico voters still having trouble with voting machines.
21 Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
22 Math not taught anymore.
